Friday, July 31, 2009

BAIL!

No longer bizarrely popular in her state, going full nutjob and quitting can do that.

New Car, Caviar, Four Star Daydream

A friend once described the differences between Republicans and Democrats this way:
Republicans steal the cake. Democrats scoop up the crumbs.
Yep.

NYT:

In one surreptitiously recorded conversation mentioned in the complaint, Mr. Cammarano declared that, once in office, he would divide the world into three categories: “the people who were with us” all along, “the people who climbed aboard in the runoff,” and those who were “against us the whole way.”

Of this last group, the complaint quotes him as saying, “They get ground into powder.”
Oh, Petey. But for the measly amount of money you're alleged to have been bought for, you could have been a Republican talking like that. You could have been a contender!

P.S. Don't kid yourself, Ms. Vargas. I lived in Hoboken for many years. Hoboken will never ever change.

Our AWESOME media

Not only did the NY Times have 3 people simultaneously blogging Octoberfest in July, but look at the AP for godsake:



THERE FOLLOWED 400 WORDS OF GENERAL BULLSHIT AND BLITHERING BANALITY...

AND THEN




8 writers for one wretched blurb of non-profundities.

Good job Fournier, I see you're applying the Hot Soup business plan.

Yay, things suck less than expected!!!

We've progressed to stagnating!

WASHINGTON - The U.S. economy may no longer be in free-fall.

A new government report Friday showed the economy sank at a pace of just 1 percent in the second quarter of the year. It was a better-than-expected performance that provided the strongest signal yet that the longest recession since World War II is finally winding down.

The Commerce Department said the dip in gross domestic product for the April to June period came after the economy was in a free fall, tumbling at 6.4 percent pace in the first three months of this year.


USA! USA! USA!

Sarah Palin

Has not yet begun to stop "quitting":

Despite an earlier announcement from a California Republican womens group, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin will not be speaking to an event sponsored by the group scheduled for next weekend at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, a spokeswoman for her political action committee said Thursday night.


And we learn, in spite of her stiffing them, Sarah's fan club speaks in the same high-pitched, sing-song, illogical voice:

Sarah Palin loves Alaska & she has roots in southern California and our organization is very supportive of the troops! Palin also has a huge following in California, mostly folks who pay tribute to the Reagan legacy,” said Pat Saraceno, hospitality chair for the group. “Most of us view Palin as a ‘Reaganesque figure.”


A plus B then "support the troops", even though it makes no sense, always throw that last line in there.

I'm free this weekend

In the spirit of reconciliation, as a Viking fan, I expect Brett Favre to have myself and a Packer fan over to his abode for a fucking beer. And it better not be Bud Light.

He owes both of us that, at a minimum, for being an ass.

De-base of the GOP

Wow, that is fucking sad:





And in all likelihood a plurality (at a minimum) don't believe in evolution, but nearly 100% think God knocked up a teenager 2,000 years ago with the gift of the messiah and that the evidence of the same is incontrovertible.

It's not even maddening, it's just depressing.

Zombie Reagan grunts in agreement

People of Earth, she's here to serve you (in a goulash):

Ha! Ha!

I guess we know the size of Lou Dobbs audience that hates Mexicans, but not enough to hate other whack job conspiracies:

According to The Observer's analysis of Nielsen data, in recent weeks, as criticism of Mr. Dobbs has continued to go up, his ratings at CNN have continued to go down.

Mr. Dobbs' first began reporting on Obama birth certificate conspiracy theories on the night of Wednesday, July 15. In the roughly two weeks since then, from July 15 through July 28, Mr. Dobbs' 7 p.m. show on CNN has averaged 653,000 total viewers and 157,000 in the 25-54 demo.

By contrast, during the first two weeks of the month (July 1 to July 14) Mr. Dobbs averaged 771,000 total viewers and 218,000 in the 25-54 demo. In other words, Mr. Dobbs' audience has decreased 15 percent in total viewers and 27 percent in the demo since the start of the controversy.


Of course, over time Dobbs' constant xenophobia has sucked the life out of his ratings faster than he can suck wind through his dentures.

Price Tag on their Souls

To the surprise of no one:

On June 19, Rep. Mike Ross of Arkansas made clear that he and a group of other conservative Democrats known as the Blue Dogs were increasingly unhappy with the direction that health-care legislation was taking in the House...

Five days later, Ross was the guest of honor at a special "health-care industry reception," one of at least seven fundraisers for the Arkansas lawmaker held by health-care companies or their lobbyists this year, according to publicly available invitations.


Fuck the citizens, all hale Blue Cross/Blue Shield and Blue Dogs.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Well now that we've sorted out America's Racial Problems


"Let's talk about women and whose ass you'd like to tap."*


Seriously, we are the the dumbest, most shallow people on earth.


*(And I feel I need to explain things after yesterday's "Lincoln Shot First" post, THAT'S a joke)


(photo via Reuters)

How lovely

This August 29th, John McCain will celebrate his eleventy-first birthday. Eleventy-one years is far too little a time to fully fuck over America.

So please feel free to go here and send him your "special" birthday greetings that Cindy can yell at him through his ear-horn. Like this:



And remember he doesn't remember half of you half as well as he should like, and he remembers less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

This could go on a while

Posted for emphasis

Washington Post Financial Writer Steve Pearlstein pretty accurately described all Republicans, not just Jim DeMint the other day:

You'll pardon me if I say that Jim DeMint's idea of health reform is thin gruel. It will do little toward moving toward universal coverage, little to bend the cost curve on health care expenditures and little to improve the quality of care and the efficiency of the system. It will also be regressive in its effect. As a health reformer, Jim DeMint is a fraud, and for the last 10 years he and his party have done exactly zero about this huge problem for the economy and for the American people. Nothing. Nada. His ideas also are not supported by a majority of the elected people in Congress, so in addition to being inadequate in a policy sense, they have no political viability. Other than that, though, they're swell.

Attention Ernest T. Bass, Esq.

Via John Cole -- the American health care system is SO AWESOME this has to be done in your home state.

STAN BROCK BRINGS HEALTH CARE TO AMERICANS WITH REMOTE AREA MEDICAL PROGRAM from R2 Studios on Vimeo.



Suck.on.that. I missed this on '60 Minutes' the first time. What a disgrace this nation's health care system is that so many people in just one small (Republican-Dominated BTW) area stand in line when a relief organization provides what should be their fucking right as a citizen of the self-proclaimed Greatest Nation on Earth.

And there's more, the video was from Knoxville, Tennessee (y'know where the University of Tennessee employer of one Glenn Reynolds is), just recently in Wise County, Virginia:

Nearly 2,000 people crowded onto a southwest Virginia fairgrounds Friday and waited hours to receive free dental care, eyeglasses and medical procedures.

Remote Area Medical founder Stan Brock said the daily limit of 1,600 patients for the three-day clinic in Wise County was reached by 5:30 a.m. Friday. Another 200 people were admitted to the treatment area later in the morning, but several hundred more had to be turned away.


That would be Rick Boucher's Virginia District, he sure as hell better at least be for a public option! The Kentucky districts surrounding Knoxville are the 1st though 4th, represented by Republicans Phil Roe, John Duncan, Zach Ramp and Democrat Lincoln Davis respectively. The first three are deep into the pockets of the insurance industry and for doing NOTHING for their constituents, determined to play the bible thumping and keep them both ignorant and poor. As for Davis, he's a Blue Dog and is in the same place. Assholes all.

Stan Brock is a goddamned saint. And hey, fuck you Blue Dogs and Max Baucus too.

DONATE MONEY TO BROCK'S ORGANIZATION "RURAL AREA MEDICAL" (R.A.M.) HERE

benedictxvi@vatican

Dear Popeonarope,

Love your twitter page. Now I can get instant feedback on my six degrees of Kevin Bacon inquiries.

MATLOCK!!!


In today's shorter edition (which could have been said the last 300 columns)

"I'm sure there's a pony in there somewhere."

Larry Craig is retired from "Senatorizing"

But even when he vacations in the Big Apple he is still tapping out texts:

The Think Tank Equivalent of "Dirty Jobs"

There are glamor jobs and then there are jobs you get when you are low on the totem pole.

And this is that job:



Victor, I salute you and your pain tolerance.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Nerds!

This shirt was apparently (you think I'd go?) a big hit at Comic-Con:



Too soon?

The Putz

Shouldn't the first requirement of a media critic not be, y'know manufacturing history to kiss the ass of one of his employers?

And not only is Howard Kurtz making shit up, he's making shit up on that moron Hugh Hewitt's show so he can kiss the ass of conservatives at the same time.

I applaud the conservatives who have stood up and said basically this is wacko stuff, there's not a shred of evidence, I don't want to associate with these folks. I don't understand why this has gotten so much prominence, particularly on cable television in the first place if we make a judgment as journalists that this is basically a lot of garbage, then why do we have to spend a lot of time flogging this horse? The guy who has been flogging this the most, it seems to me, is Chris Matthews on MSNBC.


Not one, NOT ONE, mention of Lou Dobbs who is given a paycheck by CNN, just like Howard Kurtz.

WORST.MEDIA.CRITIC.EVER!

A new favorite site



Many delightful cards available
, or create your own like the above.

Shorter Tom Friedman

I give Tom Watson six months to win the British Open in 50 weeks.



Yeah, that column would have been appropriate a week ago and on your personal blog. But you actually wrote it in the New York Times.

Who do you think you are, Ross Douthat?

Rotten Tomatoes

This blows. Summers in New York are hazy, hot, and humid, but there are some payoffs for enduring that misery, and one of them is fresh Jersey tomatoes from late July through early September. (Others: sweet corn, blueberries, Long Island's south shore beaches from about 4-7 PM, late-day weekday picnics on the Sheep Meadow, and the occasional dramatic thunderstorm).

I blame Dick Cheney.

Coming through for the real boss

Max Baucus is going to get an extra bump in his campaign sock:

Shares of U.S. health insurers rose broadly on Tuesday on hopes a health reform bill would not include a government-run option, which has drawn strong opposition from insurers who fear it would destroy the private marketplace.


Teddy Partridge sums it up pretty well:

Health insurance executives who have poured money into the campaign coffers of Blue Dogs, Max Baucus, Chuck Grassley, Kent Conrad, Joe Lieberman and Susan Collins (as well as their political action committees) likely made all their money back in the one day rise in stock prices. The companies themselves, which hold huge amounts of their own stock, surely recouped all of their PAC investments on Tuesday alone.

Let's just admit it

When some nutball takes a shot at Barack Obama because they keep stoking the embers (and admit it we all have a deep-seated fear this will happen), the Glenn Becks, Rush Limbaughs, and Lou Dobbs of the world will deny ANY responsibility for about 48 hours and then start it all up again (though I'm sure Glenn Reynolds will take it as an opportunity to demand President's start packing heat so they can return fire). They'll suffer absolutely absolutely no social consequences, hell, they'll probably demand and receive a bonus.

The failure of the rest of the media to call FoxNews out on racist nonsense, name calling, and implied calls for violence that would NEVER be tolerated from the Left (hell, you cannot do NONE of these things and get your ass fired if you do it from the left, see Churchill, Ward; Maher, William) is sickening.

Behold the BRAVERY...

...on Fox & Friends, Glenn Beck said President Obama has "a deep-seated hatred for white people." Of the president, Beck went on to say that "this guy is, I believe, a racist."


and then...

Tonight, TVNewser posted the following statement from Bill Shine, Fox News' Senior Vice President of Programming in response:

"During Fox & Friends this morning, Glenn Beck expressed a personal opinion which represented his own views, not those of the Fox News Channel. And as with all commentators in the cable news arena, he is given the freedom to express his opinions."

Summarized quite succinctly by Gawker:

So in other words, Fox News said this: Glenn Beck is free to use our airwaves to say whatever the hell he wants, no matter how baseless and irresponsible the things he says may be, and will you now please leave us the hell alone.

JOURNAMALISM!

Must call for one of those blogger ethics conferences.

Somebody might want to tell Lou Dobbs


Some punchlines work better than others:

Lou Dobbs just referred to Rachel Maddow as

Teabagging queen

Lou, jokes only work if they make sense. This doesn't.


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I Am Cheating on Attaturk

With a Snake Goddess.

Just helping out while she gets some R&R.

Some thoughts about the Greeks, Superwomen, and marriage are here.

Please Kill Me

I can see that I'm going to have to do a total news blackout tomorrow.

Beer Diplomacy: Brewers Hope Obama Taps Local Ale

On second thought, maybe that blackout should last the rest of the summer.

In any case, I definitely picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

No "on position"


The intellectual firepower of Bill O'Reilly is something to behold:

Of course Canada has longer life expectancy than the U.S. -- we have 10 times more people.


Even James Inhofe thinks that's moronic.

(via Talking Points Memo)

No mas

As long as the GOP is the Party of racist conspiracy freaks there won't be much reason for Barack Obama to worry about his own base -- and you know, no matter how much we in the base complain, that's just the truth:

Republicans’ dilemma in connecting with the growing Hispanic electorate will be on vivid display Tuesday: GOP members of the Senate Judiciary Committee will vote overwhelmingly against confirming Sonia Sotomayor, the first Latino nominee to the Supreme Court. And the Democratic Party chairman will address the nation’s largest Latino political group — partly in Spanish. No national GOP official is speaking.


I find it hard to believe that Michael Steele couldn't make an appearance and talk about how much he loved Chico & the Man and the Frito Bandito as a kid.

Commence jerking motion

Amongst his other nutjob beliefs and love and fidelity with Operation Rescue, the murderer of Dr. George Tiller, Scott Roeder had all manner of rationalizations that smelled of pure bullshit:

“I hope you’re not mad at me for not making child support payments,” he wrote. “I’m not making payments not because I don’t love you, but because I have done a lot of study and realize that I shouldn’t be making payments until Mom is willing to accept me back after our divorce.”


Oh yeah, there's a real incentive.

Oh, so that's what she's been up to...

She left her non-editing Editors job with Moron Junction to do commercials:



"Ever have one of those days when everything goes right, like the whole buffet is laid out for you?





From the gigantic nacho fixings to the endless Sundae bar...it's just






NOM NOM NOM like your not even chewing just,




go with the trough"

The very lonely life of an evolutionary biologist

From here:

Scientists have found that evolution is driving women to become ever more beautiful, while men remain as aesthetically unappealing as their caveman ancestors.


I've seen these scientists at closing time.

Honestly, this is the journalistic equivalent of sweeps stories about breast implants. How does a subjective standard get quantified?

America's Concern Troll


Richard Cohen, in addition to be a comedian is also a policy analyst of the highest order and a Pulitzer Prize Winner...oh and he's hung like a Right Whale. These are all the things you will learn from Richard Cohen (just ask the late Peter Jenning's not yet ex-wife, or his former assistant). As long as you just take his word for it.

The Least Interesting Man in the World

[Cross-Posted at Firedoglake]

Well, it appears that after months and months of negotiating health care reform away from the prying eyes of, well, everyone, Max Baucus is on the verge of presenting a bucket of warm spit and calling it bipartisan.

If you listen closely you can hear him counting that health care lobby money.

So thanks Max, thanks ever so much, for absolutely nothing. You're like the bizarro Dos Equis guy.


His reputation is diminishing faster than Sarah Palin's
He had several awkward tweets with Chuck Grassley, just to make a deal
He lives precariously with David Broder's conscience
He is, the least interesting man in the world





"I don't always think clearly, but when I do, I do what I'm told by Blue Cross.

Stay healthy my friends."

Spa-aaaaaackk

Monday, July 27, 2009

Just Because I'm a Bitch

As she walked off into the sunset for a week or so, Sarah Palin took a couple of jabs at that perennial wingnut boogeyman: the liberal media.
"You represent what could and should be a respected and honest profession, that could and should be a cornerstone of our democracy," she said. "Democracy depends on you, and that is why our troops are willing to die for you. So how about in honor of the American soldier you quit making things up?"

Those sentiments drew the loudest applause of her speech.

She added: "Our new governor has a very nice family too, so leave his kids alone!"

August 29, 2008: Republican presidential nominee John McCain announces his mavericky vice presidential pick. Scroll forward to 3:40. She exploited her family from the get-go.

I just love that "Country First" thing.



Update: This is the best thing on the internets ever. Well, today, anyway.

Breaking News!


After months of thorough research Senator Jeff Sessions has conclusively determined that Sonia Sotomayor is not a white man.

Speaking of Roland Emmerich

He's making a movie version of Asimov's "Foundation"?

There's not enough brain-Novocaine in the world all of the sudden. I guess we'll find out about all those 'splosions Isaac Asimov didn't tell us about.

Who's going to play Hari Seldon? Keanu Reeves?

...and Adam Baldwin as, "the Mule".

Slumdog Moronaire

Nice party ya' got there Republicans:

Sen. John Cornyn's office has apologized for his statement last week that America needs the F-22 fighter plane in order to deal with the national security threat from India -- which is an ally of the United States -- saying he misspoke.

"Senator Cornyn misspoke saying 'India' when he meant to say 'China,'" Cornyn's spokesman said in a statement to the Times of India.


Yes, they are often mistake for one another, amongst idiots.

The Victim Card

Right next to Lou Dobbs' bottom of the deck racism card -- be it Mexico or any other non-pasty group, comes the card right next in the pack, the "victim card":



Zombie Cronkite is going to come after him first.

Mondays with "Moran"

I hope Morrie comes back and kicks your whiny, insipid, incompetent ass Mitch Albom. Especially considering the millions you made off of him.

Morrie recites a quote by his favorite poet, W. H. Auden, to encompass one of his most important lessons to Mitch: in the absence of love, there is a void that can be filled only by loving human relationships.


I'm glad ol' Mitch learned that lesson long enough to write himself a book and make himself rich, so he can be a dick, use Republican talking points and use a form of math only noted "science expert" James Inhofe would recognize.

Apparently money can filled that "void" quite nicely.

In praise of primary challenges

At the very least, Joe Sestak is keeping Arlen Specter more liberal in voting.

Hypocrite on parade


You know they'll be a sequel, as she's the political equivalent of "Police Academy". For example, these parting words in justifying her quitting:

''How about, in honor of the American soldier, you quit makin' things up?''


Yes, in portraying her "quitting" as a noble sacrifice, ol' Sarah used the soldier who cannot quit until their term is over...and sometimes not even then. As one attendee at the goodbye address pointed out.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Goodbye, Good Luck, and ...

...thanks for the memories. He couldn't have done it without you!

Oh, wait.

Will Dance for Access

Rich:
What [David] Halberstam labeled the “nice genteel chumminess” between potentates like [Robert] McNamara and the Beltway press establishment, though occasionally frayed by scandals like Watergate, remains intact....

As e-mail released by Mark Sanford’s office revealed, David Gregory of NBC News tried to get an interview with the sleazy governor by reassuring him that “‘Meet the Press’ allows you to frame the conversation how you really want to.”

I'd forgotten about this

There's so much sludge to go through day-after-day the last five years you forget a few things.

I was perusing Democratic Underground, which on a normal day, always reminds me of the battle between the People's Front of Judea and the Judean People's Front, and saw that MSNBC's President Phil Griffin came right to the point on the birther shit:

“It’s racist,” said Phil Griffin, the president of MSNBC. “It’s racist. Just call it for what it is.”


And it was then, that some one reminded me of this past glory with Lou Dobbs, his affection for racist products like "Obama Waffles".

Wondering

When Michael Bay & Roland Emmerich will join forces to make, "Shit Blows Up: The Movie"?

MATLOCK!!!


Shorter Broder:

Under Obama's health care plans, Americas will have to decide whether they want an impersonal unelected person deciding what kind of health care they receive.


Which is completely unlike now, of course, when what kind of health care you receive is determined by an impersonal unelected person -- who is trying to make a profit.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Look at These Fucking Hipsters

Oh, boy, I can't wait until Gawker sinks its teeth into this NYT article about the death of "downtown artist" Dash Snow. My friend D suggested the following alternate lede:
They were the Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald of their moment ...
Do these people sound like the silliest group of fops you've heard of recently? I mean, the "Hamster" thing, and the guy's art in general, is sort of interesting, but the artists' obsessions with themselves are decidedly less so. And the NYT can't decide what it needs to do here. They desperately want to make a myth, but don't want to be seen as "irresponsible" for glorifying a junkie. Then there's the matter of his illustrious family. Attention must be paid!

This was my favorite part:
“It was really intense,” recalled Ms. Snow, whose divorce from Dash was finalized this summer, though she remained close to him to the end. “We were all really high, and there were concerts. It was like a whole other world, an intense moment, all these people with paper, piles of Yellow Pages, no air or ventilation and fumes everywhere. We were already so drunk. The iPods kept getting lost in the paper.” Three days later — with no clue how it happened — she woke up in Berlin.
Uh-huh.

Wow.

Like.

He was Absent that Day

NYT:
“The president has ample constitutional and statutory authority to deploy the military against international or foreign terrorists operating within the United States,” the memorandum said.

The memorandum — written by the lawyers John C. Yoo and Robert J. Delahunty — was directed to Alberto R. Gonzales, then the White House counsel, who had asked the department about a president’s authority to use the military to combat terrorist activities in the United States.
Looks like Yoo cut class on the day his con law professor covered Posse Comitatus Act. Probably had some bun Federalist Society rally to attend.

Dear Boalt Hall:

When are you going to revoke John Yoo's tenure? Aren't you ashamed to have him on your faculty? Surely there are some deserving wine law professors out there to whom you can award his coveted slot? Maybe they could discuss the finer points of the limits of presidential power over pinot grigio on your sunny deck? Finally, why isn't today's NYT story isn't on your Faculty in the News page?

xxx...res

Might be nice if the media did stuff like

oh, I don't know, read easily available statutes. This has it about right:

The cop baited the guy into leaving the house so he could arrest him for making a cop feel bad.

I appreciate the work of law enforcement. But regardless of race, too many cops have the belief that if they get insulted, they have the right to turn that into an arresting offense. That's not the law whatsoever, nor should it be. It creates a chilling effect among the public not to call out bad behavior in law enforcement or raise your voice in any way.


The police have a very tough job. But, we all live our lives, many of them not exactly unstressful. The police don't have a right to take it out on you because you too "cop" an attitude, while you, in your own home, have a right to be a bit of a jackass (not to much of one, but you can do stuff like, y'know raise your voice and be offended). White, Black, Red, Yellow, we've all experienced it from time to time, hopefully not in our homes. And don't pretend police profiling and abuse doesn't happen.

But, of course, for the media its sooooooooooooooo fucking easy to must play the race card - for that's what they are doing. Lynn Sweet is doing an endzone dance because she's able to get her racism (conscious or unconscioius) or more likely her ego to get her mug on television.

Meanwhile, actual policy debates go unheeded all in the name of covering "process" (who's up whose down? bullshit, bullshit, bullshit).

UPDATE: This is either incredibly offensive, or a very unfortunate coincidence...oh, and why is the President of the Cambridge Police Officers Union able to park illegally? Oh, right.

And what a lovely precedent

Dick Cheney, David Addington and John Yoo wanted America to go full Banana Republic, which is really an insult to Honduras and Bananas:

Top Bush administration officials in 2002 debated testing the Constitution by sending American troops into the suburbs of Buffalo to arrest a group of men suspected of plotting with Al Qaeda, according to former administration officials.

Some of the advisers to President George W. Bush, including Vice President Dick Cheney, argued that a president had the power to use the military on domestic soil to sweep up the terrorism suspects, who came to be known as the Lackawanna Six, and declare them enemy combatants.


And then it gets even more assholish:

Former officials said the 2002 debate arose partly from Justice Department concerns that there might not be enough evidence to arrest and successfully prosecute the suspects in Lackawanna. Mr. Cheney, the officials said, had argued that the administration would need a lower threshold of evidence to declare them enemy combatants and keep them in military custody.


So Cheney wanted to set a precedent that in AMERICA when you didn't have enough evidence to arrest someone, you could just declare people something else and send in the military within AMERICA and detain them indefinitely.

So no law but plenty of order.

Fucker.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Somebody stick a lighted candle under G. Gordon's ass to see if he's still alive



The most hilarious G. Gordon Liddy appearance since this:

G. Gordon Liddy's Penis of Ultimate Justice!

Rated "M" for MY GOD!



"Hey Ladies. Style yourself for some fun in the sun with a famous felon?

Find yourself with a taste for hot candle wax and grilled rat?

Then look no further, I'm G. Gordon Liddy and along with my crack team, I have a "special delivery" for you ...


From L to R: Haldeman, Rebozo, Erlichman, Liddy, Mitchell, and Hunt



Single, desperate, and a quasi-fascist?

"Oh, Yes!...I mean "beep!""




Then make a date with me!! The King of the Plumbers, G. Gordon Liddy.

Romance and adventure is my middle name...after Gordon that is.

My plan is quite simple and straight forward.

I'll wine you.

I'll dine you.

I'll 1969 you!


I take all major forms of compensation, but prefer hush money.


I won't creep you out!



Well, maybe I'll "c.r.e.e.p." you out just a little.



So come on, contact me, and you too can ride the "Tricky Dick"!

Remember to email me, G. Gordon Liddy, Plumber of LOVE!. I'll make the waters flow from your gate!"

(original pictures from here)

Never let hypocrisy get in the way of a complaint

Sarah Palin's "Governoratin'" Twitter page, soon to lose it's elected designation and be a mere privately held twitter page accessorized with the Bedazzler begins its final days with yet another twatting of irony:
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=7657367


I'm sure this will come as a great relief to Palin's ex-brother in law.

I wonder if the Weekly Standard is hiring

Because NY Times' television reporter/critic Alessandra Stanley's accuracy rate is ALMOST high enough to qualify. She's only a Fred Barnes column away from catching up to Michael Goldfarb.

In one, maybe 750 word column, the obit of Walter Cronkite -- a very well known figure who's impending death was known for literally months (plus he was in his 90s) the New York Times had to append her column a few days later will all of the following corrections -- many of which are common knowledge. Not knowing Martin Luther King was killed on April 4th? C'mon even Bono knew that one. Not knowing the Moon landing occurred on July 20th, when news of its 40th Anniversary was all over the fucking place?



But then again, Alessandra Stanley has been well-known for not letting famous facts get in the way of whatever version of reality she wishes to toss out there -- and apparently she shares George Will's editors in some sort of NY Times/WaPO cost-savings arrangement.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Maybe Jeebus loves me just enough...

for this to happen!



The only thing better would be if Pat Sajak is twittering.

OH.MY.GAWD!

Barack Obama's greatest weapon

Is the pathological imbecility, boorishness, and intellectual thuggery of his opponents.

This will go down as Exhibit A.

By Christmas they'll be burning crosses on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Serendipity

This is a story worthy of James Burke's bemusement:

Tom Watson did not putt in vain. The veteran golfer may have missed by only a few inches but the drama of the final day of the British Open kept the amateur astronomer Anthony Wesley awake for an extra half-hour at his home outside Murrumbateman in New South Wales.

When he went back to shut down his 14.5-inch Newtonian telescope he noticed a black mark on the giant Jupiter. Since the Australian star-gazer spends an average of 20 hours a week looking at the fifth planet, he knew it was significant.

He emailed Nasa whose giant telescopes confirmed that, indeed, something massive was going on. A comet seemed to have crashed into Jupiter leaving a scar the size of the earth. In a world of hi-tech professionalism, there is something reassuring about the fact that a dilettante dabbler can still make a major discovery that eludes the experts. It restores your faith in the power of romance. Next year, Mr Watson, next year.

Inadvertent Auto-Edits that get right to the point

From a Crooks and Liars comment thread on the odious Ralph Peters (he of the "Manic-Depresso-Meter"). But, in truth, it summarizes FoxNews actions toward us all:

Good point

I read this somewhere on the internets but can't remember where now, so I apologize to whoever first typed it (wasn't me).

Barack Obama and Henry Gates have a few things in common, but one of them is that no matter what proof of identity they show, some white guy won't believe them.

Bold words

North Korea, perfecting the art of foot-stomping three-year old worthy temper tantrums. Yet to master the meaning of the word "irony".

"We cannot but regard Mrs Clinton as a funny lady as she likes to utter such rhetoric, unaware of the elementary etiquette in the international community," the spokesman said.

"Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping."

The North took particular umbrage at recent comments by Mrs Clinton likening Pyongyang's recent missile launches to the behaviour of an unruly attention-seeking teenager.



Okay, first of all, Clinton gave North Korean far too much credit, a minimum of ten chronological years.

Second of all, mocking Hillary Clinton's appearance?

Your "fearless leader" looks like a cross-dressing Roy Orbison impersonator.



This is the kind of laughable projection you normally see only at National Review's The Corner.

...oh wait.

Andy McCarthy, is a North Korean Secret Agent.

Uh, what?

I do believe this is the "perfect" Sarah Palin post, even if it's mostly quoting a song (she did after all chose to quote it). It's a combination of crimes against grammar, white trash stereotype, illogical thought, dogmatic stupidity (a few hundred million more like me?) and outright lies. It's truly something to behold.

Soylent Green

Hey look at those socialized medicine countries letting their old people live and shit, we are not going to put up with that crap in this country if the insurance industry has something to say about it (and they do):

"People are living longer, and in some parts of the world, healthier lives," the authors conclude. "This represents one of the crowning achievements of the last century but also a significant challenge as proportions of older people increase in most countries."

Europe is the greyest continent, with 23 of the world's 25 oldest countries. Such dominance of the regional league table will continue. By 2040, more than one in four Europeans are expected to be at least 65, and one in seven at least 75.

The UK comes in at number 19 in the list of the world's oldest countries. Top of the pile is Japan, which recently supplanted Italy as the world's oldest big country. Its life expectancy at birth – 82 years – is matched only by Singapore, though in western Europe, France, Sweden and Italy all have life expectancies of more than 80 years (in the UK it is 78.8).


The United States, thanks to our policy of "free market capitalism" isn't aging nearly as fast -- so suck it old people!

Sacrifice is for the little people

Oh we cannot finance health care reform by having the rich pay slightly more taxes, they, after all are so completely responsible and morale thanks to the blessings of "free market capitalism" with the added feature of tax payer (other tax payers) bailing them out.

Observe the blessings of the system in action:

Wall Street's biggest banks are setting aside billions of dollars more to pay their executives and other employees just months after these firms were rescued with a taxpayer bailout, renewing questions about compensation practices in the aftermath of the financial crisis.


How dare we think of taxing such awesome people slightly more.

I'm sorry we've been calling so many people douchebags lately

Y'know for the last five plus years of blogging. And when I say we, I mean me for the most part. I believe I've literally called dozens, perhaps hundreds of people, douchebags. And for this I have relatively little regret because after all, they are almost invariably actually doucebags. Except, of course, unlike douchebags they offer little or no useful purpose -- unless being called a douchebag is a public service. It does make my job easier I must admit.

Where was I?

Oh yes.

And speaking of the topic at hand, a man who has been called a douchebag by me more times than anyone else (too lazy to verify) soaks in it one more time as Bill Kristol has to comment on the arrest (and very prompt dismissal of charges against) of Henry Louis Gates and the fact that the President specifically addressed it last night. And really, how dare a black man have a strong opinion on profiling and police abuse:

Maybe it was Professor Gates who behaved stupidly, or at least arrogantly. He is, after all, a Harvard professor. I was once a Harvard professor, and my instinct is to side with the Cambridge cops.


Of course your "instinct" is to side with the police. You're instinct was also to declare Scooter Libby innocent even after he was convicted.

But we cannot all be unindicted war criminals now can we Bill?

MATLOCK!!!



Remember that time I started citing 'non-partisan' think tanks about health reform and they turned out to be owned by insurance companies? What, oh I forgot to mention that? Well, never mind then, I'm just going to start citing former Bush Administration hacks.

It's the bipartisan thing to do.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

John Yoo Fucked

Baby Faced-Sadist Punked By Australian comedian.

Yo, Check the Kerning!

Dear Birther Freaks,

We'll release Obama's "real" birth certificate just as soon as George W. Bush releases his official Texas Air National Guard records.

xxx...res

Shorter James Taranto

"Nobody knows the troubles I've seen..."

Only I, as a white man, can truly know that the police always have a right to arrest a black man in their own home, because he's in his own home and he's black, duh!

Congratulations CNN

Lou Dobbs has now officially passed Glenn Beck on the crazy express. Apparently desperate to whistle through his dentures into stealing some of FoxNews most loyal viewers.

Here's a hint on when a guest is not credible.

When they cannot distinguish an elementary rudiment of the English Language, such as when the word "LIVE" is pronounced "liiiiive" and when it is pronounced "Liv".

But then Obama is a black guy so questions get asked that would never NEVER be asked of a white guy.

Believe it or not freepers, black people are not only people (I know, I know, hard for you to swallow) but many of them have been born right here, in America. Oh, the shock, oh the scandal.

So let us summarize.

Democrats trying to pass meaningful health care reform (well, most democrats at least) while Republicans watch their base find yet ever crazy conspiracies.

BTW, Barack Obama killed Vince Foster.

Behold our profits!

Thanks, suckers!

For the quarter ended June 30, UnitedHealth [based in Minnetonka, MN] said net earnings were $859 million -- a 154.9 percent increase from $337 million a year earlier, when earnings were dragged down by big lawsuit settlement costs.

Earnings per share jumped to 73 cents from 27 cents a year earlier. Analysts had forecast 70 cents. Quarterly revenue was up slightly, to $21.7 billion from $20.3 billion.


Yay, more money to spend on lobbying against meaningful health care reform!

By the way, the big lawsuit settlement costs? Those were because United Healthcare used wholly-owned subsidiaries to screw over their clients in the name of profit. Woo-hoo free marketplace.

"We would characterize this quarter as solid with strong execution," said chief executive Stephen Hemsley.


I have no doubt you are all in favor of that, as long as it makes money.

USA! USA! USA!

Surely, this is what America's all about? Home of the brave FoxNews viewer, land of the free market, residence in foreclosure:

Between 1979 and 2006, the inflation-adjusted after-tax income of the richest 1 percent of households increased by 256 percent, compared to 21 percent for families in the middle income quintile. Despite these numbers, Democratic leaders, “bowing to unease among lawmakers and governors in their own party,” are reconsidering the House Ways and Means committee’s proposal to implement a surtax on the richest one percent of Americans as a way of financing a portion of health care reform.


And oh lordy, have those all-powerful rich done a hell of a job trickling down to the rest of us until we have the nation we have today.

Good job rich people, how dare we ask you to pay a bit more in taxes, so you'll only get say 240 percent richer.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

People's Republic of the The Onion

Parody of Chinese takeover of the Onion is brilliant.

One example:


Police Still Searching For Missing Productive,
Obedient Woman

Not the Onion

Merely a sad parody of the same, I mean really, a "No Chubbies" t-shirt? FoxNews officially not only classless, but a class black-hole.

My Thoughts Exactly

Here.

A mature, formerly imperial society,

Knows that that the MOST important thing about a sex scandal is its sheer entertainment value.

Berlusconi Sleeping (With Hookers) In Putin's Bed


And there are audio recordings and photographs, Putin is not ever the first prominent european politician of another country brought into Berlusconi's randy sex exploits, in fact, his involvement is much less substantial than the previous naughty pol.

As entertaining as Ensign & Sanford are, ol' Silvio's is much more enriching and life affirming.

David Brooks -- Lyin' a-hole

Shorter Bobo:

"Deduction? What's are these tax deductions of which you speak? Never heard of 'em."

Oh, and then there's today's piece of shit column that tickles Russ Douthat's pube-beard (find it yourself...the column not the pube-beard...well, actually, that too)



(Tom Tomorrow cartoon from here)

Really Cool

A few days ago, NASA released some new pictures from the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter -- these are early pictures as they test out and adjust the orbiters imaging abilities. So the quality of these pictures will get even better.

But still even at this stage, how cool is it to see on this picture in the center (note the shadow) the image of the remaining descent-stage of Apollo 11?



And even cooler, because the lighting conditions and the position of the orbiter were so good, the image of the landing area of Apollo 14 and the track of an experiment cart Alan Shepard and Edgar Mitchell dragged across the moon's surface.

Let's see it's either Clinton or Obama's fault


On the fortieth anniversary of man setting footprints on the moon that will last for thousands of years, unless they are obliterated by a Mentos ad, comes the news that Jupiter's sanctity was violated by a member of the C-Street Fellowship comet or meteor leaving a scar about the size of Lou Dobb's ego the earth.

This is a tragedy of epic proportions for the Obama Administration as Jupiter is where Hawaii stores its vital records -- at least according to Glenn Beck. On the other hand FoxNews personality Bill O'Reilly is quick to point out that Jupiter had it coming with its pastel coloring and putting itself right next to the Asteroid Belt.

One thing is certain, lately when a Democrat is in the White House Jupiter really takes a pounding. Although, as the GOP seems to punish Earth, I guess I'll take it.

I would like to thank Jupiter for being so damned big that it has taken a few for the solar system, specifically us. The last event like this being almost exactly 15 years ago with the Shoemaker-Levy event. The scary thing is, we knew about that event more than a year in advance, this one only afterward.

[cross-posted for the most part at Firedoglake]

Monday, July 20, 2009

Glacier & Yellowstone National Parks

Hegemaniacs,

Can you recommend hotels/motels near Glacier National Park or Yellowstone? Don't have to be fancy. Just clean and relatively near the parks.

I know some of you love to camp, but I am not a sleep-under-the-stars-in-your-own-filth kind of gal.

Suggestions? Put 'em in comments.

Thanks.

res

Not What I Had in Mind


When I said that what the New York mayor's race needed was a novelty, this was not what I had in mind.

(I still think John McEnroe would have been perfect.)

Nobody could have anticipated watch...

Oh that abstinence only edu-mah-cay-shen!

The U.S. government has released the results of a new study that found dramatic increases in teen pregnancy, as well as instances of various sexually transmitted diseases, during the latter years of George W. Bush's presidency.

Researchers for the Centers for Disease Control found that instances of teen pregnancy rose in 2006 and 2007 after declining every year since 1991. They also found that diagnosed cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV and syphilis rose during the same time period.


Meanwhile in Sarah Palin fantasy-land:



Because the greatest lesson you could teach America's youth on "embracing work" and avoiding idleness is quitting your job.

And like her abstinence program, Palin is all irony on buying "American". What kind of wheels does she drive around in?

Gov. Palin is proud of the many miles she’s put on her fire engine red VW Jetta diesel

Great Moments in Broadcasting

NBC broadcasts celebrity golf and gets the level of "respect" it deserves during the broadcast.



Somebody really likes Michael Jordan.

"Hey mom and dad did you see me on tee vee? I was the one holding the giant inflatable penis."